this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
