every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
