eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
why is half of my head shaved?
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