Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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