the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
