I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
