We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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