I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
