I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
be right there i have to get my cape
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
