Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
