And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
