just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
soo... how was my night?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
