So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
