I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
