I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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