Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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