I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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