Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
How naked do you want me to be?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
