oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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