Do you still have your period?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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