Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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