I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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