yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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