I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
