Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
