found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
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That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
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We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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