I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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