.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
