At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
