My boss' voice literally gives me gas
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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