Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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