Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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