come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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