I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
