Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize