I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
