I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
