Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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