I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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