He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
