no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
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Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
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I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize