ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
