There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
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