today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
