In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
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