I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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