Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
