I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
