His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
