I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
