just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
