WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
