there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
