are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Randomize
