He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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