Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
