There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
