Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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