So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
