What a fucking waste of an outfit
You can't special order awesome
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
