the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
