I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
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