I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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