32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
