I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
