i'm signing you up for texting rehab
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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