1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
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