I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
