he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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