I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
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