is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
