i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
