I just made out with a guy for $7.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
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so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
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In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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